Author: New Leaf

Confession

It’s been over a couple of years now. I wonder…

Have I missed my prime? Is this my prime? At twenty six I stand baffled at how near I am to thirty and yet haven’t accomplished my goals yet.

I would have thought that at this point I’d be living with my significant other and possibly be engaged or in something serious. Maybe children. Who knows – but needless to say I thought it was just something that happened naturally. Here I am – single, independent, semi – successful and doing me. Now my problem is how do I go about this?

“Just give it time, you’ll find someone”

“Go out more”
“Just go with it”

It’s not that I’m looking. It’s not like I want to get on tinder and go out with anyone. I just want it to be simple. Organic and natural. Many people say things like

I’m just a little sick of being single. There’s nothing wrong with it either.

The majority of my high school class / many college pals are already married or have a couple of children. Even within my own family I’m the last one without children. Maybe I’ve been feeling a little bit of the blues ..

It’s not that I dislike where I am, because I don’t. I love being independent. I love having my own space, doing my thing, doing things on my time, spending my money on me, and having a good mental relationship with myself. I have a different kind of freedom that others don’t understand.

So here I am.

I’m single. I guess I’m happy (ish) with what I’m doing in my life. I just slightly wish societies expectation and peoples timelines wouldn’t drown me in sorrows.

Lovers?

i’ve tried counting every freckle on your back. but i always get lost in the curve down your spine. if i could, i would erase every single one of them. as if each freckle was a bad memory i could take from your mind and swallow them chased with whiskey. i’d turn you back into something so pure. like a blank canvas untouched by my clumsy brush. or a blank vhs tape that isn’t filled with distant memories. you could be as pure as the blue sky over some sad midwest town. not these grey, factory clouds over new york city. i’d turn you back into the idea that there’s a universe within our bodies. rather than my smoke filled lungs and offbeat heart. but for now i’ll still try falling in love with the world through all the little things like sunsets and empty bars, heavy rain and pale sunsets, all the oxygen in my lungs and those tiny veins on the back of your eyelids.