My public diary

Maybe you will understand me.. Maybe you won’t. I’m not expecting you to get my hidden secret messages in my writings, but I’m no master of words either.

Sadly, but gratefully my problems are so minimal in this small world.

 

5 years later

It’s been 5 years.

5 damn fucking long years.

 

“She’s the kind of girl a guy meets when he’s too young, and he fucks up because there’s too much living to do. But later he realizes she’s perfect.”

Strangers with memories.

June 28th I said yes,

He was probably thee best boyfriend ever. I met his parents, we hanged out, we would be laughing all the time, and we would talk about anything. I really liked him. We broke up five months later due to “distance,” three weeks after the first time we had sex, the only time we had sex. And well, this is what I felt, 

“The first time she ever felt safe. She felt so much passion and let you be the one that she entirely gave to. She took it all off, let you see her bare and natural. She showed all her impurities, all the flaws, all the things she never ever told anyone, she let you become a piece of her, even if it was temporary it was something. Your bodies become one. Your bodies are pleasing but that’s only physical, its not as desirable as how the connection between the souls. I felt you, your soul, the love. I felt it. My mind keeps pushing to forget, my heart keeps wanting distractions, but at the end of the day I wish you would be sleeping next to me. I miss you, your voice, your lips, your sound, your smell.. I miss it all. How can someone give their self completely and be expected to be okay one day after another? It sucks so much knowing that you probably might not be doing the right choices, but it sucks knowing you’re having fun about it. This new chapter in your life obviously had something to do with it. The fact that i was further meant we can grow to be closer and probably even make it even more special once we did have the time to see each other. I in a very, very upset way have been trying to move forward, its almost three weeks and about two weeks that it happened and that I last spoke to you. My heart hurts, if you have at least 1% of still liking me, I want that percentage and expand it as much as I can. I really wanted to be with you, I wanted to be able to make you happy, i just wanted you. I don’t know why I feel like this. You weren’t that great I know, but you were one that made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. I love you, a bit too much, a bit too little.”

Now we’re just strangers with memories.